Disclaimer: While this is a posting about dating it will not be a whiny “my life sucks because I’m single” kind of deal. It’s not going to be a look back on things that have failed. It’s just going to be a set of observations.
First dates suck. It’s like an audition to see if the person is going to be the right fit for you. Having done enough music auditions, I know exactly how it feels to feel like you’re on display, having every bit of yourself being quickly analyzed by someone else. The main difference between a music audition and a first date (besides one being for a job and the other for a potential relationship), is that for a music audition you know exactly what to expect in terms of the things you’ll have to “perform”. First dates are all improvisation.
You never know what the next topic is going to be when you’re on a date. You don’t know if the other person is going to like what you’re saying, how awkward it’s going to feel (and let’s be honest a lot of first dates are amazingly awkward), or how well the other person is going to open up to you.
If you do happen to make it past the first date, then comes the period of time where you’re “dating” someone, but not “in a relationship”. This period of time has always felt like a bit of a grey area. The best comparison I can come up with is that it’s like an extended test drive of a car. You take it for a spin, try it out for a while, and then decide if it’s actually what you want or not. If you’re lucky, you’ve found someone that you actually want to start something serious with. If you’re not, you go back to the drawing board and try again later.
An actual relationship is a whole other thing in and of itself. It has different “rules”, different expectations, and different outcomes than just dating. It’s a step up in many different ways from dating. You end up putting more into it, and in return you get more out of it. Along with that though is the fact that if things end when you’re just dating, it isn’t nearly as bad as when things end after a relationship. By putting more in, you stand to lose more in the end, but at the same time you could gain a whole lot more if it all works out.
In the end relationships are tricky. There’s no set way to approach them, there’s no set way to start one. Most of the time you just luck into it, and then you work your hardest to keep it going. The thing is, when it’s right you never feel like it’s work. You never feel like you’re having to do anything particularly special for that other person. You just do what feels right with them and it works out. So when you do find that person, enjoy every moment of it, because you truly are lucky.
No comments:
Post a Comment